So I walk on the streets decorated with Christmas trees and lights. There are hundreds of people around me. I find some girls on my right side fixing their bangs for a good selfie.
I look at the couples, holding hands walking around as if the whole world is under their feet, and then I find old men and women with their carts selling foods on the beautiful streets of Seoul. I see some foreigners here and there. I am just a wanderer, standing there, looking at the people, at the beautiful buildings, and I can’t help but keep thinking, and thinking, and thinking… I am thinking of home. A place that I don’t even know yet. Thinking of having real connections with real people. I am thinking may be those around me are also thinking of the same think. May be they also have their hearts set on for the same thing.
Or may be not? You see, everyone around me seems settled, and satisfied. I know it’s not the case with them all, but at least they are good enough to pretend that they are. Why do I find myself restlessly looking for answers in the face of the strangers passing by, in the conversations I am not part of. But, I am not sad. It doesn’t really make me sad. It shakes my world, it makes me think, but it’s changing me.
I feel a fire inside me. But that fire is not burning me. It’s only burning the flame in my heart. It’s the same fire that brought me into this land. And it’s the same fire that brought me to this city. It’s the fire that keeps me going, looking for answers in the heart and mind of people I don’t know.
But, time is a teacher. And time has taught me that, I am not alone in this. We are all lost stars in search of a home, someone, something.
I am lost, and that makes me happy. I realize that I am a girl, who’s traveled across the continent to find happiness in a land I am foreign to but only to get more lost. I came out from my hometown to realize that there are so many lost souls outside in this world just like me who are also trying to connect and seeking something they can’t describe. It’s something between their hearts and the walls they have built for years to protect it from the outside world.
I know, we all grew up believing that there is one fate or destination for us. But, that’s not true anymore. And that’s what living alone and coming to a new city taught me. I am not what’s happening to me now. And where I am is not my final destination. In fact there is no final destination. There are many fates and destinations and it’s only up to me to choose from.
There are so many streets I have to yet walk on. So many coffee shops I have to sit in and get lost in conversations with the many people that I haven’t met yet. There are cities I have to come to discover. But, most importantly there are parts of me, parts that I don’t know about yet that I will come to learn about.